Today is mothers day, a day that is both beautiful, and sad at the same time.
Its a beautiful day to think back on the lovely memories we had with my mum who we so dearly miss, and yet a day thats somewhat bitter that i just cant reach out to her and hold her hand, tell her how much i love her and to hear her say it back to me.
My mum was always there for me, and always helped me out of a jam, or would give me a boost when i needed it the most. Last week i needed to do some part running about, and said to myself how i wished mum was here to do some runs for me.

She would love to drive, and pick things up that had meaning. I dont think she really cared so much to go to Coles and get milk, but if i called her and said i needed a pair of 10mm Cr-Mo rod ends and some 7/8" Cr-Mo tube, she would be happy to grab her purse and be on her way.
I guess thats her love for me too, she would go to the farthest place on earth to sort what id need or ask her to help me with. She took a lot of pride in all that she did, something i get from her, im always criticised that no-one ever does it good enough to suit my satisfaction, and thats what mum was, a perfectionist. Its not often she would say "near enough ... ".
How i miss her, and miss her ... everything.
The beautiful part about it is that we celebrate mothers day here at home now with Ivanka and Mira. As it moves from generation to generation, your role changes a tad, but the beauty is there. Ivanka doesnt really know it yet, what it is, but it doesnt matter, Mira has a mothers day everyday !.

This year Ivanka got Mira a beautiful coffee machine, one that Mira wanted for a very long time. And it makes such nice coffee !. I dont drink coffee often, because i have no need to do so ... im not addicted, and i dont need it for the caffeine hit, but i drink to enjoy.
I can drink a latte, and i can drink a short black thats got more hit than a big turbo on the freeway.
Prior to that, Miras dad came over to give us a hand, to cut down the lemon tree.
I felt really bad for it as it was a beautiful tree, and its been here for years, but its too big, its grown too tall, it made a lot of mess, and either there would be all green lemons on it, or they would all ripe at a similar time and there would be dozens rotting all the time.
The plan is where the tree was, were wanting to put in a pond with koi, something relaxing, some water. I saw something in Singapore near the new Esplenade MRT station, opposite the Suntec mall, that really got my attention in that it wasnt a regular pond, or kidney shape, or a outdoor type of pond, but a very square tiled out basin with plants in the middle, it looked so modern and nice, i was sold. I didnt know it then, but i had filed that away in the back of my mind for later use.
So thats the plan there.
Later this afternoon we went to visit mum at the memorial park, and drop off some carnations that she would love to have about. I sat about and Ivanka was running around, after the kangaroo's, having a great time.
It took my mind off the hurt.
There were people everywhere, and flowers on so many of the sites, it was beautiful. The rain held out, it was a dark day, but it didnt rain. Of the situation that it is, i feel great there, as i know im very close to my mum, there is something about it that is calming, yet hurtful, in that doesnt matter what beautiful memory one has, its tainted by the fact she isnt here, and that hurts.


Time does not heal some wounds, it doesnt make them better, you just learn to mask it a little better.

I also took Danny with us, Danny for some of you who have read my older blogs, is my teddy bear mum bought for me in Myer back in 1980.
Ive made Danny a part of my racing life, ive not raced without him, and on the two times i have, both times i was carted off in a ambulance. He has drifted around the Nurburgring with me, been to Europe, Asia, America countless times, he is with me on every trip, you may say my travel buddy.
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| Nurburgring, Germany - 2005 | |
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A buddy that mum was also very fond of. Never was a time she didnt ask before a race meet when i was leaving home "Danny with you ?" or when i went overseas ... and for the last 32 years he has been what you may say my longest friend.
After returning from the memorial park, we went to see Miras mum and dad for a while, sat down and had a bit of a chat, was good to see them. And that was pretty much our mothers day today.
Love you ma, your day, never forgotten from Ivan, Mira and little Ivanka !